View source for Zeus' Copypasta corner

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Below is a collection of '''Zeus' favourite Copypastas''', handpicked from the mortal internet.

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== 1. The Navy SEAL (The Classic) ==
<blockquote>
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words.
</blockquote>

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== 2. The Gaming Laptop ==
<blockquote>
Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark.
</blockquote>

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== 3. The Walrus Dream ==
<blockquote>
Hello, I am currently 15 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there's a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I'm different. On December 14th, I'm moving to Antarctica; home of the greatest walruses. I've already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus ever.
</blockquote>

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== 4. Home Defense (As the Founding Fathers Intended) ==
<blockquote>
Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. Just as the founding fathers intended.
</blockquote>

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== 5. The E-Date Confession ==
<blockquote>
Can we honestly e-date? You're so beautiful. You always make me laugh, you always make me smile. You literally make me want to become a better person... I really enjoy every moment we spend together. My time has no value unless its spent with you. I tell everyone of my irls how awesome you are. Thank you for being you. Whenever you need someone to be there for you, know that i'll always be right there by your side. I love you so much.
</blockquote>

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== 6. The Insane Insult ==
<blockquote>
Shut yo skin tone chicken bone google chrome no home flip phone disowned ice cream cone garden gnome extra chromosome metronome dimmadome xy genome monochrome indiana jones overgrown flint stone full blown hormone friend zone sylvester stallone kill zone methadone thunderdome eldritch tome cosmodrome flying drone avantgardengnome face outta here.
</blockquote>


== 7. Incel dating requirements ==
<blockquote>
heya! i am a depressed, suicidal anime boyo, and i am looking for a female to date and have sexual intercourse with. you must be...

under 4’8 please, i am 5’3 and i have trouble finding foids that are shorter than me

look like you’re from an anime please, i don’t date ugly fat “women.” if you are over 80 pounds stay out of my dms please.

must be hourglass body shaped. if you are “apple” shaped you will immediately be blocked. i do not date foids that have gross undesirable bodies.

must have an IQ of under 70. i don’t want a foid that can think for herself, it’s not fun to argue with an impulsive female all day just because you said she can’t get a dildo because it’s cheating.

finally, you cannot have any tattoos, piercings, acne, body odor, hair on body, (MUST) be a virgin, and also have never had anything inserted into yourself. even a tampon, because that’s breaking your hymen before another man can do it for you.

hopefully i get some dms, my standards really aren’t that high. if you believe i’m “sexist” or an “incel” you will immediately be blocked.
</blockquote>

== 8. Fucking your mom ==
<blockquote>
Your mother and I had very loud, long, and passionate sexual intercourse last night. It was so loud, your neighbors called the police to report a noise complaint, the police thought your mother was in danger from how ear piercing her moans were, and ended up breaking down the door to find me shafting my 10.7 inch rock hard penis in and out of her tight vagina. They were so impressed they stayed to watch. I was shanking it, I was cranking it, and finally, I ejaculated so much it splattered throughout your entire house. I performed so well that your mother, the police, and your neighbors tipped me for it.
</blockquote>

== 9. Fuck you, Mod! ==
<blockquote> 
*takes a fat shit down your throat*
That's for banning me, you little whore

*has diarrhea on your ugly face*
That's for doing nothing when I was getting bullied

*wipes my arse with your hair*
And that is for making that toxic server in the first place and being a shitty owner.

*shoots your entire family in front of you before slitting your throat*
That one is for me, motherfucker

*dances on your body in a cute way*
OwO

UwU
</blockquote>